Wednesday, July 06, 2016
I don't know if I should believe if he is serious or not serious? What did I get myself into? Why can't I just close one eye? I'm afraid of failure again. If this doesn't work out again, what should I do? Can I take it? I don't know... If I could know everything...
Thursday, April 21, 2016
Friday, February 05, 2016
Tuesday, January 05, 2016
It's 2016 now.
2015 has been a rollercoaster ride to me, especially to the end of the year.
Went thru two break up within the 3 months? It was very terrible. Even now... I can't get through it still. I'm down, Super down. Went too quickly to another relationship after broke off with PH, and broke off soon after 1plus month with WE. As compared, this recent break up is really saddening for me. I had put in too much hope, trust, love and commitment in this relationship. I really thought he is the one for me. Hence, there is no such thing as "the one". Feeling so disappointed.. How can a guy can love me so much in the beginning and few weeks later can told me, he doesn't love me anymore? He said I didn't give him enough love? I'm confused, haven't my love not obvious for you? I gave him what I could. Until now I still don't understand what kind of love he want? Everything we went thru still as fresh in my mind and memories. Everything happened too fast till I can't digest it. I'm feeling unfair, I didn't do anything wrong and I'm just being given a death sentence.
My heart is so broken. Oh God, you hear me? There are times I feel that I can't go on anymore. The only hope I left with, has been taken away.
Sunday, November 15, 2015
Been reflecting those 5 days in Hong Kong. Let go and let God do the healing. It has been a good trip for the soul.
One of the pastor in vine church talked about the vision he saw during the worship. He saw spaghetti, the uncooked one. He said, some of you are like the spaghetti, at the breaking point. But if you let God put u in the hot boiling water, although it will hurt awhile, eventually the spaghetti will turn up to be more flexible and tougher. It doesn't break that easily.
I Guess this is why God let me go through this, why this doesn't work out.
"Hold no bitterness my dear, someday the promise I've for you will be fulfilled. Just wait upon me, I'm preparing, the Lord said."
Tuesday, October 20, 2015
The day has come when he asked me that question. Before the winter come, will my autumn end here? Why do it be so painful when is just couple of months? Isn't it too young to judge? My heart sank, my heart is broken. Though many tell me not be so negative over it. There might be changes. Do you think so?
I can only get my knee down and pray..
Sunday, October 18, 2015
Summer was good, when autumn comes, leaf starting to fall and as winter comes, will it be all sweep away by the coldness of the weather?
There is fear and there is insecurity.
What can u do to remove all these mixed feelings?
How Long will it last?
Will it be just come and go?
Shouldn't it be a smooth sailing journey for the starting?
How do I make it better?
Haven't I do my best?
Well, it takes two hand to claps.
When you starting to be vulnerable, that is when you starting to dependent on human. But if you don't want to be vulnerable, how to you even show your true feelings? How confusing?
Always remember, don't lose yourself when loving others.
Monday, October 05, 2015
It has been a good, 65 days.
My third relationship, I don't compare.
The more you compare, the more you gonna expect. Just be thankful and appreciate everything we have and given. I always tell myself to be more patience and don't overthink of things.
I am learning still...
Thursday, August 13, 2015
It's been very long since I stepped into relationship again. It was a hard decision for me to get into it. You know when my age is the time for settling down, so I've to think carefully if I wanna commit to this person. If things doesn't work well, time and youth are wasted. I'm not young anymore.
But well, so far still okay. We still need time to gain trust from each other. Especially for me, I always don't have much confidence in myself. So often I will feel that I'm not good enough. As in outward appearance. Though I know I'm pretty enough :p but physical wise, I feel inferior. There are so many girls out there with pretty face and hot body. Especially those peoples he followed in IG and pples in his gym. Guys always like pretty stuff, so does my guy. I'm worrying, definitely. But nothing much I can do. I can only make myself better by looking better and train hard in the gym to bring up my market value and gain confidence. I pray things will be better for us, remove those unnecessary worries and just enjoy this relationship. Sometimes I'm jus so tired, I need somebody to rely on. I've been on my own for years and acting strong for too long. I need a shoulder to lean on and be pampered. Will he be the one for me? I'm still keeping in view. Is still too quick to judge. Though my heart is already half in?
Tuesday, August 04, 2015
To the one that been with me for 2.5yrs.
Thank you for given me the best memories I ever had with you. I had never find any shortchange of love from you ever since we were tog. U were my true love. I might not be able to find the one that love me like u did. The memories will also be remember in my heart. I loved u, yes I did. But we have to move on, I know is not easy for you. But surely one day u will find another girl that suit u better and that deserve your love. It do hurt me to see u being sad over it n not moving on. I'm sorry we couldn't continue this page anymore. I know is time to turn the page.
To the men I loved, u always will be in my deepest prayer and thoughts. Take care!