so screw up

Didnt blog for quite some time, cos i dont feel like blogging.

How life can be so screw up, my life is in a mess now.
Jiawen, Jiawen, Jiawen!? How can you be in this way? sigh.
Disappointed in myself. Life is never as pure as last time.
I know God is always still good to me no matter how many times i disappoint Him.

i know im not following what God want me to do, im follow what my heart wanna do.
i know when im doing things that sins againest God, i still continues doing it.
i know, i know, i know..... im going astray.



someday i wont be able recognise myself anymore.

Is the wait worth?

Can i just let go and follow what my heart want to do? Or follow what God want me to do? Its not easy... God, You ask me to wait. When will the time be coming? Is the wait worth it? Somehow, i feel that i dont have that patience to wait anymore. I feeling that i'm going astray, i know i am. No one know better than You do Oh God. Even i know at many times, Holy Spirit alway be there to tell me not to do this do that but i still ignore it and do whatever my heart want. I know Its upset You God..


Let me know, is the wait worth, Father?

Because You love me

Am i a failure? Failure to many others? My parents? My friends? My family members? Well, i'm not as negative as last time i used to be if compare to now. But sometime i just cant help to think about it. I tried and fell many times, many mistakes i made. Did i learnt anything from it? I am sure i have... Its just make me even stronger than before. How i wanna prove to others to show that i can do it. Many might look down on me? So what if people is looking down on me? I dont give a damn about it now. I learning to love myself that whatever God have given me. So what if my education level is not as high as others? Maybe im just better at some other thing. I've learnt to see things in a more easy way now than keep asking "WHY?". "HOW" is the word i using more often now. Haha, i feel more happy in this way. Not emo-ing here and there. I dont give a damn to what peoples think about me. No one have the right to judge me, only God Himself.


Thanks God for loving the imperfection of me. The love that is so amazing... That makes me wanna show others what God have given me.

Everything is in His time i believe. So just wait upon Him.

Amazing

Sometime its so amazing to see how God work things out for us when its impossible.
We just have to hand everything to Him.
Trust and Obey (: is all we need to see God's goodness in our life.



i slowly take one step at a time and God will lead me (:

Tears from the Lord

I was upset yesterday. I thought it would be fine but yesterday i was extremely heartbroken. I was tearing during the praise and worship. The tears came from the heart that was so different from the normal tears i normally tear. The tears was from the Lord. Hmmm... She didn't turn up eventually. You know how excited i was when she told me she will be coming. Then the next moment she told me, she's not coming anymore. My heart was full of hope that maybe in the end she will still come? But sadly, no... So be it. At that moment i can felt how God feel. He was tearing. He open the gate for her and she chose to turn to other thing. And a msg that she sent to me broke my heart "im not hungry for God anymore, so its ok". When i saw this msg, i straight away threw my phone to my bag. I didnt reply her msg. She's my bestfriend, i want to see her in heaven with me. Pray that she will come back to the Lord someday. The gate will always open for her.

marriage?

Isn't this baby cute? He's my friend's baby. Mixed blood baby. Father is chinese, Mother is eurasian. They're young parent. But sadly, they had divorce. I feel dishearten when i come to know many peoples nowsaday treat marriage as a game. Then what is the marriage vow all about? Want to marry then marry, want to divorce then divorce... After all, if they have kid.. The children are the suffer one.

hold my hand and lead me.

guide my heart when my heart is lost.

teach me when i am wrong.

give me the courage when i am in fear.

for i trust, You are the lover of my heart.

Waiting for God's assurance

May find me silly, im actually been writing love dairy for my future bf. Definitely the bf will be a christian one, because i talk about God inside my dairy. Until when i know he is the right one, i will give the dairy to him. Hees. Kinda crazy i know :)

I just wanna stay awaiting patiently in God's promise to me. Everything is in His time (:

Most good timing

Last mid-night, candy smsed me. She told me she's hungry for God's word so these few days she been reading it but the more she read it, she doubt God more. Im happy that she smsed me and tell me about it. And its a good start that she start reading her Bible again. But i really dont know what to say to her about her doubt. I asked her to continues to read and pray over it. So she replied me, she dont know how to talk to God now. The last time she talk to God was dont know how many years ago? She said that she cant talk to God when she doubt God. I think i've to meet her soon to talk to her. And i had invited her for the coming youth rally on Sat. And its so qiao that she off on that day too.. So i told her that, is the right timing. You see, God open a rally for you and somemore fall on your off day. He want to talk to you! So she said she will make it only when she got no prog on that day. Well, after we ended our sms. I prayed for her before i went to sleep.

I believe everything that God do will be in God's most good timing. Pray that she will make a wise choice to come for this rally. The only thing i can do is just pray for her and msg her to let her know i do care. After all, i will want to see her in Heaven with me next time. She's my BESTFRIEND!

Went to sentosa just now with winnie babe and wendy. Was fun, just bask under the sun and have our girl's talk. And we went shopping!!!! Hhaha, spent so much money!! Need to stop already. Anyway i will be meeting WQ later after my work, girl's talk again! And we can have our tea session again! Im just enjoying myself.... lovin' it!

GTG and slp, meeting winnie babe later in the morning for breakfast before we head to work. (:

A Time for Everything

To my surprised, my body is not aching now after a long ride. Means that i am strong! LOL. Still thinking going jogging later morning. Hees.

And honestly, i've a crush with someone! LOL, or maybe is not a crush. Just interested. That person is not what i would like... (DEFINITELY NOT). But you know feelings come just unexpectedly. Anyway will KIV till the right time God chosen. Im still reading the "I kissed dating goodbye" book. Everytime when i read finish some part, i will write down my thought and ponder about it. Its help me a lot in some of my problems. Well, it challange me to stay single for God till i meet the right one that chose from GOd. Say is easier than to be done. Right? Why waste the time to look for boyfriend than to focus wholeheartedly for God? After all God is our greatest Love. When the time come, God will show. (:

I was reading my Bible during my break, God shown me this Chapter in Bible. One of the book in the Bible that i dont usually read. Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8

A Time for Everything

1 There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven:
2 a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3 a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build,
4 a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
6 a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7 a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8 a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.

the extra mile?

These few days i been listening to Class 95. All the oldies songs.. Nice ehh!

And i been craving for foods and drinks....... especially TEA! I told my mama that im craving for tea now.. She just said... "why you always have suddenly craving one?" Then i just joked and said... "cos im pregnant already". She just ignored me.... She must be thinking that im very lame lar... So chose to ignore me. lol

Well, WQ came and meet me today for dinner. Really appreciated it. And she waited for me to finish work then hang around for awhile then we waited for bus together. Though the timing we spent is short but i appreciated it so much. It do brighten up my day man! Thanks gal (: There are more to come... We gonna meet out more often. MID NIGHT MOVIE, TANNING and PARTYING! hees. This is what we gals should do... Live more happy and happening than those sickening freak.

Me and WQ (:

★XXXX★ says:
nvr msg dont mean i dun care huh
★XXXX★ says:
just that sometimes i dunno wat to say!!



....You dont know what to say.. Dont say then!. If you do care, you will know what to say... You will treasure it. Action speaks louder than word. ok.