been not feeling that good these few days.
i mean emotional upset.
the more upset i am, i alway put up a crazy and happy front?
that will make me more happy? i think i need to accompany with peoples so i will not think too much and feels lonely and emptiness in me. though i know that God is with me, why should i feel lonely? but that is human nature.

i thought God send him to me? but realised that he's not the one?
all these years, i stopped open my heart to guy. cos i know that i'll be hurt. so i stop myself from falling in love with people i interested in and people that interested in me. i guarded my heart very well. but after knowing him, i opened my heart to him, mean i started to like him. we msg almost everyday and talked on the phone every night.

and now... we didnt contact each other anymore.

well, i dont know if i have regretted knowing him and open my heart to?.
why among all, i picked him?
it made me feel so sweet at that moment and now i'm feeling like shit and made me so lousy!!.

i'm feeling lousy that, how come i dont know how to keep/capture a guy's heart probably?

after this incident, this made me even stronger.
can i change to a bad person whose play around with pple's feeling or just accept anyone and go without God's will for me?. i wish i can...
but my holy spirit always stops me from doing that.
if i ever do that, that will not be me "jiawen".

Daddy, guard my heart once again.
whatever hurts that contant in my heart, you'll heal it and clear it away.
whatever evil thoughts, you'll wash it away.
BECAUSE i want to be pure before you.
i commite myself in your mighty hand. AMEN!


this shall be the end of story between him and me.


And with a smile i'll say my goodbyes. (: