so screw up

Didnt blog for quite some time, cos i dont feel like blogging.

How life can be so screw up, my life is in a mess now.
Jiawen, Jiawen, Jiawen!? How can you be in this way? sigh.
Disappointed in myself. Life is never as pure as last time.
I know God is always still good to me no matter how many times i disappoint Him.

i know im not following what God want me to do, im follow what my heart wanna do.
i know when im doing things that sins againest God, i still continues doing it.
i know, i know, i know..... im going astray.



someday i wont be able recognise myself anymore.

Is the wait worth?

Can i just let go and follow what my heart want to do? Or follow what God want me to do? Its not easy... God, You ask me to wait. When will the time be coming? Is the wait worth it? Somehow, i feel that i dont have that patience to wait anymore. I feeling that i'm going astray, i know i am. No one know better than You do Oh God. Even i know at many times, Holy Spirit alway be there to tell me not to do this do that but i still ignore it and do whatever my heart want. I know Its upset You God..


Let me know, is the wait worth, Father?

Because You love me

Am i a failure? Failure to many others? My parents? My friends? My family members? Well, i'm not as negative as last time i used to be if compare to now. But sometime i just cant help to think about it. I tried and fell many times, many mistakes i made. Did i learnt anything from it? I am sure i have... Its just make me even stronger than before. How i wanna prove to others to show that i can do it. Many might look down on me? So what if people is looking down on me? I dont give a damn about it now. I learning to love myself that whatever God have given me. So what if my education level is not as high as others? Maybe im just better at some other thing. I've learnt to see things in a more easy way now than keep asking "WHY?". "HOW" is the word i using more often now. Haha, i feel more happy in this way. Not emo-ing here and there. I dont give a damn to what peoples think about me. No one have the right to judge me, only God Himself.


Thanks God for loving the imperfection of me. The love that is so amazing... That makes me wanna show others what God have given me.

Everything is in His time i believe. So just wait upon Him.

Amazing

Sometime its so amazing to see how God work things out for us when its impossible.
We just have to hand everything to Him.
Trust and Obey (: is all we need to see God's goodness in our life.



i slowly take one step at a time and God will lead me (: